Finding a point

08June2024 14:25


I don't know what to write about these days. 

This is what I'm thinking as I take a long drag of my mental cigarette. 

The truth is I've been writing a lot, about many things. 

Writing about the things I’m reading, watching, and short stories. 

The issue is it all seems pointless to me at the moment. Not me doing those things, but writing about those things. Sharing those things.

I wonder what the point of it is. 

I look at my life and think about what's important….I just can't imagine writing about my new favorite manga or the struggles of my gaming life to amount to anything for anyone. 

I enjoi all these things that I do in my free time. 

I enjoi writing and sharing this creative outlet. 

Yet I'm stuck right now because this life stuff is all that seems worth writing.

I guess I'm wondering if anyone else is at this stage in their life where close loved ones are dying and for the first time you’re reflecting on that this is going to be a regular thing moving forward. 

Every so many years a new loved one is gone.

Part of me completely dislikes writing this cause it feels selfish, hey look at me I'm going through life. 

The kid in the classroom starving for attention…

Maybe I am…because I don’t know what to do and just want to be distracted. Which is why I game, read, and watch movies. 

While the other half is very understanding/recognizing that this is something I need right now.

So why care? why worry?

As my thoughts pop up in my head in this moment I find that I'm reminded that the whole idea of creating things was to make something that connected people.

So let's connect. 

I'm not sad, I'm not depressed but I'm processing things I never had to before. 

It's not easy trying to balance this with the other things going on in life. 

I wish we could replace the news with a show that teaches us how to process as we go through life. Something that spoke of peace, instead of feeding us strife and pain.


Anyway, this is what I'm going to write about for now. Hopefully, it will make room for other things...and if not maybe someone will see they aren't alone in the process. 

Or maybe what I’m actually trying to say is “ I hope someone sees this which will help me feel not alone because I’m the kid in the class right now who could use some attention.” 


Writing that feels gross haha. 

 Part of me wants to delete it. 

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