Day 15

Day 15

vulnerability/ˌvʌln(ə)rəˈbɪlɪti/noun

  1. the quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally.

Tue, 25 Aug 2020

Choice may be the greatest tool/skill/weapon we have in life. Everything stems from that. My joy/sadness, both stem from choice. Choice is the seed for the the direction we will go(though I'm always heading in the same direction, it’s just the pace/steps I take to get there. Point A to point B). Choice is the key element I overlook in situations, being that it is the determining factor of how I learn from the situation. It is not always easy to realize this in the moment, but moving forward I'll make it a practice. 

Do and see what will happen.

"I feel" may be the the most inappropriate phrase I've been using in the past days. "I feel" gets me caught and focused on a certain point, which can disrupt the flow. Yes "I feel" but I should not let the "feel" become a distraction. 

"I feel" can pull me away from growth, or slow growth, because I become caught up in feeling. I may feel 100 different feelings in a day, how will I get anything done if I'm being pulled in so many different directions? My practice needs to become acknowledgment those feelings and then come back to the center. Seeing how I can use "I feel" to learn/grow. I remind myself there is no good/bad there is how I operate. I can turn "I feel" into energy to do what I need to do, whether it is a negative/positive "I feel". They can both be used to move further.  All that I need is inside of me, it is what I choose to use that will define my being.

Now:

I was just reading something that said I would only listen to my positive thoughts.

I think this matches up with this thought I had about choice being a very powerful determining factor of how things play out in my life. 

I acknowledge recently that in one of my relationships, I found myself getting so caught up in the low moments in it. Even though I knew there were plenty of high moments; I was highlighting all of the lows.

I’m seeing how this paints the picture of a relationship rather heavily.

It doesn’t matter how “good” something is, if the focus is highlighting the low moments that “good’ thing will feel bad simply because that is what I keep bringing to light.

Imagine I clean my house. Top to bottom, giving it the full work. Then the moment something falls on the floor I talk about how dirty my house is. 

That choice of viewing it that way is trapping me in a prison and also saying that perfect is the only thing that I’ll settle for. Knowing there is no perfect.

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